dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
