Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
