"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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