Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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