I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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