Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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