This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
