Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
