the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize