Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
