is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
