How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
