oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
