she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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