Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
