Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
