Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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