Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
