He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
