Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
