Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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