they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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