I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
