I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
