everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
