when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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