oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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