She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
