It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
either way he was missing a nipple.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
