So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
