I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
