I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
