Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
