Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
