i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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