we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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