Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
