Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
