My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
