ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
