I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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