I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
