I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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