thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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