My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my shit smells like andre
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
