Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if only i could text you this smell
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
