dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
