I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Boobs speak an international language.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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