Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
