What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
