Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
