You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Drunk is not a location!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
