Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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