His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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