Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
