I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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