I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
