arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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