i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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