I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im holly from the hills drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
