i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
