then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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