Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
