everyone is single if you try hard enough
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
