matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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