You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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