I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
