We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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