I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
