I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
