Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
