weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize