everyone is single if you try hard enough
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
