He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
