i think i scared a bird with my dick
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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