the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
