I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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