I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think my fart just growled at me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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