She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
