After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
