This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
