it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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