It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize