Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
