Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my phone needs a breathalizer
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The air was thick with penises
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
