Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
