she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
