I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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