I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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